Commercial Calendar

A non-exhaustive guide to the commercial seasons (Canadian version) and its natural foliage and fauna changes to boot. If you had missed any number of these in the past, don't despair. The calendar is wholly cyclic, so next time you are browsing your local stores be sure to pay very careful attention to recurring themes in decorated displays for clues as to which month you are currently in.

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Chinesenewary- Dozens of hanging bright red lanterns sown through with yellow thread dangle above your head like exotic mistletoe; firecracker models, toiletpaperrollesque. Cartoon representations of the Chinese Zodiac animal and bright red Chinese lucky banners pasted right on your paper place mat.

Valenturary- Everything is shaded in red, pink and white, and laced. The only relief is in the chocolates, and FAX ME and MAYBE! Valentine candies.

Eastarch- It's a busy season for bunnies, since they are commissioned to round up all the sheeps from the pasture and chicks from the pen. It's the rare occasion where Easterch bunny comes out of its egg-producing hibernation.

St. Pattarch- One of the easiest times to track down your lucky four-leaf clover, but watch out for the nifty little belted leprechaun in the green felt, he gets feisty when guarding the gold. You can just find your own, at the end of a stubby rainbow.

Motheray- Overblooming of carnations, since they probably feed off fertilizing four-leaf clovers, lucky for nurturing females?

Fatherune- Busy season for silkworms, who spit and spin their overtimes' worth of material to translate into endless racks and rows of silky smooth ties.

Canaduly- Fiery maple leaves on your face, check now for any.

Schoolust- More stationary than just one pen holder could contain. Backpacks and ripped-open pencil packages spilling into the produce isle.

Hallowe'enber- Deliberately messy, black, orange, green goo, and white sheets. It's time to grin back at pumpkins, and suspend belief for severed body parts or anything else feigning as spooky. Really gives you a stomach for the candy that's everywhere, sometimes stuck to your bulk package of toothpastes.

Thanksgiver- Go liberal on brown turkeys and a large horn with harvest coming out of it.

X-ber- Listen for incessant jingles and bells, the quick flickering of candles, and the emptiness of ribboned boxes, all crowned by a jolly bellowing blushing Santa, courtesy of Coca-Cola genius.

Newil- Anything sparkly goes.